Today I googled again and it led me down another path of doubts. It’s never a good thing when doctors tell you to stay away to everything except 4 approved sites. There isn’t much out there on how to go through a pregnancy like this one and I just want to know more about what is going on. Usually knowing more gives me a feeling of security, but when I try to know more about the heart defect my baby has or the single artery umbilical cord that I have, I feel more powerless. This is terrifying and trying to learn more is not easing my fears. My dilemma is do I sit in the fear or keep trying to learn more and run the risk of driving myself crazy with all of this negative information? There are so many questions that won’t be answered until she is born, as even then who knows. It’s been hard for me the keep my excitement because it terrifies me to know that no matter what I do, this little baby’s life is completely out of my hands. I scour those websites to see if there is any hope, if there is a glimmer of some positive information so I can feel like there is a better chance. I’m not giving up, so guess I’ll go browse a little more.