Mother’s Day was spent driving from one place to another, being with various members of the family. Granted, the brunch was nice and I was happy for my sister-in-law on my niece’s first communion. What wasn’t fun was the screaming from my overtired three year old who is very opinionated about everything and lets everyone within a five mile radius know it. Liz plugs into her iPhone and Isabelle is just happy as always. It was a busy day.
For the most part, since her Glenn we have enjoyed a pretty normal life these days. With the exception of the g tube, we don’t have any additional medical care other than her visits to the cardiology and her monthly checkups at the pediatricians. She even eats like other babies and is finally in 9 month size clothing. But underneath it all, there is a sense that this can all change in a second.
My husband thought Isabelle would enjoy being in the bouncy castle my niece had at her communion party. She did enjoy it- had a blast sitting on the floor with her auntie and cousin. Chris sees her having a great time. I see what if she gets hurt. Now I know realistically we have to treat her like we treat Adeline and Liz. I can’t give in to the urge to snatch her up and coddle her to safety. Of course, I gave in. Walked over and snatched her up as her older cousin was trying really hard to restrain herself from bouncing her full potential at her mother’s request.
I pray I will get better with all of this. Maybe the videos we see online hit places in my consciousness I am not aware of. All I know is with each day our love for Izzie grows so much. She has become the light in our hearts. She makes everyone smile from the inside out. Full of joy and full of life. I don’t know why I can’t relax 100% yet. My hope is that with some time and venturing more out of my comfort zone will allow for me to loosen the reins a little.
Tomorrow I am taking her to a playgroup with other babies around her age. She is so funny watching the other ones play around the room. Last week I introduced us and told a little of our story. It’s awkward sometimes, telling about what we have gone through. I can see the horror on their faces as I talk about her open heart surgeries. I know they are trying to imagine what they would do in our shoes but they can’t. It’s not something anyone wants to have in their life.
Lately I have been viewing our experience as a blessing. The parent group helped a lot because as I listened to the ‘normal’ problems each one discussed, I kept thinking “Wow, it would be nice to just have to worry about bedtimes.” I appreciate all of those little hurdles because to me that is what they are: little. I know they seem huge to the parents going through them, but it beats seeing your child go through chest X-rays, painful blood draws and surgeries that require tubes be placed down their throats. What used to seem big now seems so little. I don’t repeat this to them, but judging from the expressions of a few people in that room after hearing our story, I think they know it.
Tomorrow it will be nice to hear those stories of normalcy. I am looking forward to it.