It’s official- Isabelle is now totally mobile. She crawls. She scampers on all 4 limbs. Stands up holding anything that helps the cause. She is on the go. Considering that a few months ago while reading about other babies that were crawling already and wondering whether or not she would do the same, I think this is awesome.
The other day I stopped at Babies R Us on the way home from an appointment to see if there were any rompers left. One piece romper is the rage right now since she insists on crawling every chance she gets and it keeps her hands away from the PEG tube. Of course, there are a select few and I snatch them up quickly. It was a buy one get one for a dollar sale. I was amazed that I found any at all.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see a onesie that had a large pink cupcake on it with “My First Birthday” lettering. There is a pink tutu that matches. I’m intrigued, and tentatively walk over to see the birthday selection. The outfit is too cute but I am fighting with myself over whether to buy it or not. Am I jinxing myself? What if something happens and we can’t have a party? I can’t bear the thought of having the outfit and no birthday so I just stand in front of the display with a knot growing in my chest.
My husband was hoping we could have had her birthday the weekend before August 3rd but something inside of me wanted to wait until she made it to the 1st. I don’t know why – maybe it’s the old Jewish superstition of waiting until it actually happens, then celebrate kind of thing. Whatever it was, I couldn’t bring myself to say yes, which is a good thing since there is already something planned for that weekend.
I had the same feeling standing in front of that display at Babies R Us. Do I buy it or should I wait until after her official birthday? After the discussion went back and forth in my head for a little while, another thought came in. Why not? Why not celebrate the most incredible first birthday ever? I know people think that there wasn’t a doubt she would make it to one, but I had my doubts. I know that the littlest thing could become a huge setback and not all of her heart brothers and sisters have made it to this milestone. This is huge. It’s more than just another first birthday. She had her heart re-engineered so she could live. We went through so much just to get her to eat and gain weight. Many hurdles, including an infection in her incision- which is also the first time I wondered if we were ever leaving the hospital – were overcome and here we are.
I put the onesie and tutu into the basket. That last thought of what we have been through and what a miracle this truly is won over the doubt and fear. We made it. We made it because of prayers, love, and incredible doctors who worked together to help her thrive. We made it because she is so blessed and we are blessed to have her.