Last November my newsfeed was filled with posts of gratitude and thankfulness each day. Thirty days of thankfulness was the theme but rather than do something to make myself feel better, I decided to read everyone else’s posts and not write my own. This year I decided that not only would I post 30 days of gratitude, but I would take it one step further and write a thankful blog post every day. A long time ago a wise woman told me ‘A grateful heart doesn’t drink’. Unlike some of you I do my best to keep myself from drinking since alcohol and I do NOT get along so this advice was very instrumental my first year of sobriety. Every day I had to make a list of everything I was grateful for. In the beginning I would get really mad, since I no longer was allowed to feel sorry for myself or be negative anymore. It was very uncomfortable but with each list, my attitude began to turn around. I learned how to flip things over and for the first time in my life, I was able to redirect my thinking.
You see, I don’t like being negative. I don’t enjoy being miserable. I just thought that was how life was to be for me. By focusing on the positive in my life I could pull myself out of the negative vortex I had created for myself through gossip, selfish behavior and dishonesty. I still need to practice gratitude lists every month, not just for November. Anyone who has followed this blog knows that I have been very negative at times during our Hypoplastic journey. So I am going to shock you with what I am about to say next:
I am grateful that we have experienced a critical illness such as HLHS.
I am grateful that from that fateful day on March 5, 2012 on, I have been forced to truly live in the moment until it has become part of my everyday life. Today, I can appreciate every giggle, every cry, every mess, every smile. I can relish snuggling and kissing cheeks. I was able watch her take her first steps with joy and enjoy searching for her around the house. It’s all good- ALL GOOD, because a year ago, I was in the middle of interstage hell trying to keep her healthy. She wasn’t eating well and no one was able to give us answers on how we could help her. I felt like a failure as they placed her feeding tube down her throat causing her to gag and cry.
Day by precious day we have gotten to this point of enjoying life with our family. We don’t have one person staying at the hospital while the other goes home and takes care of the kids. As tired as we both were last night after patrolling the Candy beat, I know I was so thankful to have a halloween with all three of my girls.