Yes, I am grateful for YOGA. I am grateful for the peace I get at the end of each practice that quiets the pounding I do on my self esteem. I am grateful for the various poses I breathe myself into. I am grateful for being able to see progress each practice. Granted I feel like a sausage in yoga pants, and if my fat stomach would just find a place to go when I am in child’s pose then I would feel a little better about myself. My weeks feel incomplete without it.
When I was first laid off it felt so good to go almost every day. It was the only time I didn’t think about my former employer, or the people I felt betrayed me. An hour and a half of being in the moment helped me tremendously. Now I am wondering if this ‘down time’ I am experiencing emotionally is because I held off my mourning period through asanas. Regardless, I am going through it now and am hoping asanas can help me move through it.
Power yoga. Hot yoga. Candlelight flow. Vinyasa Flow. Even early morning at 6AM yoga. My brain is still racing back to the land of “This is all YOUR fault.” and the only way I can step out of it is by flowing into the next pose, breathing deeply, and waiting. Being. When I can reach further, stay in the form longer or even try something new the reward is ten-fold. I feel better. It doesn’t last as long as I would like, but as long as I am not in 6 months from now, homeless holding a sign outside of Stop and Shop, and instead just trying to make it to Savasna, then I think I am good.