I cannot stand another day of this stay-at-home vs. working mother crap anymore. Apparently, a girl name Amy glass, which I seriously doubt is her real name, wrote a post about how she looks down on women who get married, have kids and stay at home to take care of them. It was obnoxious and so typical of a ‘cupcake’ generation that I laughed at it. I didn’t take her seriously at all. At least, not until the blog world exploded and soon this guy was accusing of moms who work are working primarily because they are selfish.
I work. I have to, for financial reasons and I work because I get some personal fulfillment from it. Apparently, according to this jerk , I am not supposed to find personal fulfillment in anything other than motherhood. Well, sorry dude, but I don’t. That is not who I am. I am not a terrible person. I am not someone who doesn’t love her children or who doesn’t make sacrifices. I am stunned that someone who doesn’t know me at all is making blank statements with his right-wing, libertarian point of view. I have made plenty of sacrifices in my life, some that are none of your f’en business. Just as SAHMs shouldn’t have to explain themselves, well, NEITHER DO I.
I love working. I love being with my kids. Growing up I watched my mother work very hard and get great fulfillment from her work. She made a huge difference in education for the town of Plymouth that still exists today. Her love for what she did pushed me to find something that I enjoyed. Did I miss her when I got home from school? Sure I did. Did she attend all of my school activities and volunteer? No, but she was available anytime I needed her and if she wasn’t, she sent in the calvary (aka my Nana). Sure it would have been great to have her home but would I have learned about being self sufficient? Would I have learned how to cook, do laundry, or be responsible? Maybe I would have but the biggest lesson I took away was “If you work hard, you can make a difference.” She sacrificed her time with us. I love her for it. I know what it took for her to be a working mom and I admire her so much for doing such a great job.
I am a graphic designer and am currently contracting in town. I love creating things and using my brain on variety of levels. Working feels natural to me. It’s what I have always done. When I was unemployed I loved being with the girls but I felt like a huge piece of me was missing. My husband was very worried about how we were going to make ends meet, and we struggled. I felt responsible (I still do) and was devastated that I was out of a job.
For a long time I was a single mother and had to support my daughter. I made huge sacrifices during that time period. I took a job just to make money so we could pay our bills. It was a horrible job that I sucked at, and hope I never ever get to a place where I would have to do that again. I did everything I could to be at her school activities, her plays, her concerts. We developed our own way of staying connected even though I worked an hour away. I would write notes in her lunch, snuggle with her at night, and take her everywhere with me when I got home. We spent a lot of time at both my grandparents and parent’s house. She established a wonderful relationship with my beloved grandparents as a result. That isn’t anything to shake a stick at. After a disastrous relationship where I had to work as much as I could because the sonofabitch robbed me blind, I did everything I could to be there for her. Being a single parent was the hardest job of my life and I am grateful I had the help I did so I could work and provide for her.
I took that girl’s blog as a joke. Who cares if a twenty-something is blabbing about something she has no clue about? It’s not a reflection on the SAHM moms I know, and I couldn’t believe how upset people were. These women are strong, amazing moms who make extreme sacrifices and I personally don’t think their decisions to be SAHM are bad ones or less than me because I work. Managing a household is very hard work, and I did it for 5 months. If we could afford it I would love to freelance and work from home. But we can’t. And I am ok with that.
I just had to get this off my chest- I mean, I really can’t stand this guy. He has driven me crazy lately with some of the things he has written to the point where I avoid any reference to him because my blood pressure goes up instantly. As I see more and more people re-post his stuff, I felt like I needed to vent because I am not sorry for my decisions. I am not sorry I work. Self-fulfillment isn’t about finance all of the time, it makes me feel good to work emotionally. That doesn’t mean I can’t wait to hand my children over to someone else to ‘shape’. That was another sticking point that infuriated me.
When I look for someone to take care of my girls, I look for someone who shares my values and who will care for them the way that I would. I found that person, and my kids know that I am their mother. They know what that means. They don’t think this other woman is their parent. We are the ones that get up in the middle of the night and cuddle the nightmares away, get bottles, change diapers, read stories, stroke foreheads and love them. Chris and me. Us. Not the daycare, not anyone else.