Tomorrow I turn 42. Tomorrow is the 42nd anniversary of when I was brought into the world thanks to the selfless sacrifice Patricia made that day in September 1972. I was handed over to my parents three days later. One act of selflessness gave another the opportunity to have…me. It’s taken years for me to reconcile the issue of being handed off to someone else, especially after I saw the original paper work showing her purposefully giving up her rights to me. I had an incredible home, living family and little reason to have discontent. But it was always there lingering in the shadows.
I cannot remember a time prior to 1993 that I felt comfortable in my own skin. There was always the feeling that there was something fundamentally wrong with me, regardless of how much I tried to be what I thought I was supposed to be. Something was always off. In 2000 I went up to Montreal with a friend and couldn’t believe all the people I saw who looked like me. It was enough to put the search for Patricia to rest. I no longer had that need to find out where I came from.
Last year i decided to do the ancestry.com DNA sample test to see what my genetic background had in store for me. What they don’t understand is, I only have the first and maiden name of my birth mother so….I can’t create a family tree from that. Please stop sending me emails encouraging me to find my origins. My origins are Newburyport, Chelsea and topsfield. That’s it.
I am so grateful Patricia made the terrible decision to give up her child so she could have a good life. I hope I have had a good life that made it worth the pain she must have gone through. There are times I wonder if she would be proud or pleased with how I turned out. There is no father listed on my birth certificate. Completely blank with nothing to go on. That’s ok. It was easier for him to make that choice obviously. I can’t really say that since I have no one to ask.
I get to celebrate with my girls and I am happy about that. Hearing that Izzie won’t need to be seen for a while would make an awesome birthday present . My children have my genes and are the branches on my tree. The roots start with me. Thank you Patricia, for giving me the chance to plant them and thank you mom for taking such good care of them for 42 years.
I would be amiss if I didn’t mention my mother. If anyone was meant to be my mother it was her. She couldn’t wait to pick me up that day in October. She continues to support me even when she isn’t sure how she feels about the choices I make. She is always there when I need her. Maybe ten minutes late but there nonetheless.